雅思大作文批改实录编辑精选.docx

雅思大作文批改实录

2016雅思大作文批改实录精选 雅思考试要想取得好成绩，考生们必须好好复习，为了帮助大家更好的备考，下面是yjbys网小编提供给大家关于雅思大作文批改实录精选，希望对大家的备考有所帮助。 题目 Whenchildrenmakemistakes,theyshouldbepunished.Doyouthinkso?Howshouldtheybepunished? 学生习作 Theissueaboutpunishmentonchildrenhasalwaysbeendiscussedinthesedays.Frommyperspective,Istronglyagreewiththeopinionthatpunishmentcanhelpchildrenrealisethedifferencebetweenrightandwrong,althoughsomeslightproblemsstillexist. Thereasonwhypunishmentseemstobeamustisthatthisisoneofthemostefficientmethodtoteachthekidswhatisright.Bycriticizingthechildrenwhohavedonesomethingbymistake,theyareawareofthedangerorwrongoftheirbehaviours.Asaresult,childrenwillbeafraidoftodosuchakindofthings,whichisofbenefittotheirfuturelife. Althoughtheadvantageofpunishmentisundoubtedlytrue,theopponentswouldarguethatitmightmakethekidsfeelinferiortoothers.Agoodcaseinpointisthatifakidisbeatenbytheirparentsinfrontofhisclassmates,hewillregarditashumiliation.Whenheisfacedwithhisclassmates,hemightfeelinactiveandbeingseparatedfromhisfriends,whichmayleadtolong-termmentaldiseasesincludingdepressionandanxiety. AccordingtotheabovewordsIhavesaid,punishmentisnecessarywhilethemethodsmustbechosencarefully.Forexample,kids’moodmustbetakengoodcareofsothathecanrealisehisfalse.Objectivepersuasionisrecommendedwhiletheviolentbehavioursisbanned.Sincetheaimistohelpthemgrowbutnottopunishthem. Tosumup,childrenareourfuturesoweshouldpaymoreattentiontoourwaysofpunishment. 评分：5.5 整体评价：文章基本按照题目要求，完成了题目要求的各项内容。观点也比较清楚，即对儿童的惩罚是必要的，但同时也有一定危险，因此，应该注意惩罚的方法。词汇有一定幅度，但不少地方使用不准确。作者做出了使用复杂句的努力，虽然多数时候都没有完全正确。 主要问题：(1)有些观点发展不够充分，没有提供足够证据;(2)语法错误较多，个别地方是大错误，影响了读者的理解。 建议：(1)进一步提高句子写作能力，尽量消除句子中的重大语法错误;(2)构思的时候应更严密，每一个观点都要有足够的证据去支持。 逐句修订及说明 第1段 Theissueaboutpunishmentonchildrenhasalwaysbeendiscussedinthesedays.Frommyperspective,Istronglyagreewiththeopinionthatpunishmentcanhelpchildrenrealisethedifferencebetweenrightandwrong,althoughsomeslightproblemsstillexist. 修改：Theissueaboutpunishmentofchildrenhasalwaysbeendiscussedthesedays.Frommyperspective,I