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THREEKINDSOFRELATIONSHIPYOUSHOULDNEVERHAVE.doc

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Threekindsofrelationshipyoushouldneverhaveatuni Universitiesarehotbedsforallkindsofrelationships,fromeverlastingtruelovethroughtoawkwardone-nightstands.Arrivingatunistraightfromanall-girlsgrammarschool,Iwascompletelydelightedwiththesheernumberofacne-ridden,testosterone-overloadedboysonoffer. ButI'velearnedafewthingsalongtheway.Relationshipsatuniareimportant;theymakeyougrowupalotquickerthananyamountofseparatingwhitesfromcolourswilldo.However,therearesomekindsofrelationshipsthatyoushouldsteerclearof,becausetheytendtomakeyouforgetwhyyoueverwenttouniinthefirstplace. Sofreshers,Iofferyoumylistofthings(andpeople)nottodo;third-years,holdyourheads(andachinghearts)inshameifyou'veevermadethesemistakes. 1.Relationshipwithyourlecturer It'sunderstandablethatyou'dbeattractedtothepersonimpartingwisdomandlearningtoyouonaweeklybasis.Therearealltoomanyoccasionsforattractiontoblossom;seminarswhereeveryoneelseistoohungovertoturnup,ortheaptlynamed"personal"tutorials. RelationshipsbetweenfacultymembersandHYPERLINK"http://www.guardian.co.uk/education/students"studentsareprettycommon,andrarelyprohibitedbyuniversities;standardHYPERLINK"http://www.rhul.ac.uk/iquad/collegepolicies/documents/pdf/compliance/guidelinesonrelationshipsinvolvingstaff,studentsandothers-nov2011.pdf"guidelines,suchasthesefromRoyalHollowayjustrequiretherelationshiptobementionedtotheheadofdepartment. But(andIwritethisasthedaughterofastudent-staffrelationship)mostrelationshipsyouhaveatuniaren'tgoingtoendhappilyeverafter.Mostlikely,ifyougetintoarelationshipwithyourtutororlecturer,itwillimplodeatsomepoint,andyou'llhavetoenduretheawkwardnessandpainofforcedcontactwithanexwhostillholdsthepositionofpoweroveryouthatwassoattractiveinthefirstplace. Or,worse,you'lljusthitonalecturerwhendrunkonfreedepartmentalwine,berejected,andhavetospendthenextthreeyearsstudiouslyavoidingthem,andneverevertakinganyoftheirmodules. 2.Relationshipwithyourflatmate This,thankfully,isn'tamistakeI'vemade,muchasI'vetried.However,Katie,afriendfromho